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I Never Expected To Love My Kids’ Sex Ed Course, But I Do

Oh boy... (Romana Klee/Flickr)

Oh boy… (Romana Klee/Flickr)

Truth is, I dreaded my children’s sexual education.

I’d read that parents can be a powerful force for smarts about sex, so I’d tried to script imaginary heart-to-hearts. But in my head, they all sounded like this: “Please don’t do these incredibly stupid things that I did when I was young.”

So I procrastinated, abetted by the younger generation’s point-blank refusal to let me even broach this most awkward of topics. Then, last year, word came home that middle-school health class would use a curriculum called “Get Real” that involved extensive family homework activities.

“Now I’m in for it,” I thought.

But in fact, I was in for a shockingly pleasant surprise — one that more and more parents may experience in the coming years if Get Real’s popularity continues to grow. As of this year, it has been adopted by 200 schools in seven states — 175 of them in Massachusetts. That’s up from 132 schools in 2012.

And in recent months, Get Real has scored two victories: An analysis by the Wellesley Centers for Women reported that students who go through Get Real do become likelier to delay sex, and the federal government put it on a list of “evidence-based” sex-ed programs.

No way is Get Real, which was created by the Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts, for everybody. It strongly promotes abstinence as the healthiest choice for young people, but it’s not the sort of “abstinence-only” program that many parents and schools seek; it also includes teachings on birth control and preventing infection.

But perhaps more than any other curriculum out there, it pulls parents into the sex-ed endeavor, and here’s my pleasant surprise: It wasn’t awkward.

The Get Real homework prompted conversations about friendships, about feelings, about life lessons. I got to reminisce about my first crush, and talk about how important I think it is to stand up for yourself with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I even got to vent about how perniciously relationships are portrayed in that detestable high-school-girl series, “Pretty Little Liars.”

Sure, the course teaches intimate anatomy and the changes of puberty, but the body part it seemed to focus on most was the heart. It was teaching — well, love. Or rather, the skills that can make love better. Healthier. Skills like self-awareness and communication — useful in their own right, and also in service of sex-ed goals like preventing pregnancy and infections.

“We believe that if young people are able to develop healthy relationships in all aspects of their lives, they’re going to be that much better able to negotiate healthy sexual relationships,” says Jen Slonaker, vice president of education and training at the Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts.

“The sad truth is that by the time young people get to college, it may be too late.”

– Nicole Cushman,
of sex-education organization Answer, on rape prevention

At this national moment of rising discussion about campus rape — from “Missoula” to this week’s New Hampshire prep school trial — the need for such skills has never seemed more urgent. And they take time to develop, says Nicole Cushman, executive director of Answer, a national sex-education organization based at Rutgers University.

“When people talk about sexual assault and rape prevention on college campuses,” she says, “the sad truth is that by the time young people get to college, it may be too late, because we haven’t really laid the groundwork by teaching them these basic concepts about communication and relationships from a younger age. So I really believe that comprehensive sex education is sexual assault prevention.”

‘Red Flags’

Ashley, a Boston high school senior who is on the Get Real Teen Council, went through the curriculum beginning in middle school but says she really started seeing its effects when she got to high school.

“I know that what I learned in Get Real classes made me see certain red flags in my friends’ relationships and my own relationships, and helped me solve what I need to do in order to get away from the red flags,” she says.

One friend who took the class with her drew on it to resist sexual pressure, Ashley says: “She didn’t know if she was ready to have sex, and she touched upon the consent part — she was like, ‘I don’t have to do this, necessarily. It’s like — consent. It’s not fair. I don’t have to engage.’ ” Continue reading

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